people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
