your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is Oprah even human
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
