Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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