I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
