Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
