I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
