At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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