I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
its liver damage thursday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
