Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
