Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
