Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
