I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
