I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
