The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
