Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
