At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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