WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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