You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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