if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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