i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
