Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
