you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
