Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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