I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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