Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
