the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
