Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
