I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
