God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
