Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
