Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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