She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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