if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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