I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
