my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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