Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
