Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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