Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
