just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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