new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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