I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i out mim tonsoeep
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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