you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
