a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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