also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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