When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im on a boat
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