apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
