Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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