So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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