i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
