You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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