I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
