I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
