My nipple is on Facebook.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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