apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize