I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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