he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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