hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
