He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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