girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
