never play flip cup with pint glasses
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
