my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
