Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
