Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
