I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize