its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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