Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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