After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
