Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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