I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and she was petting her beer can
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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