Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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