They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my poor anus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize