i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
