Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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