Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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