Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
