ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
