You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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